Annoying

You know what drives me absolutely crazy? Not that that’s a trip I need help taking….is for someone to think they have me figured out. NOBODY has ever done that. Nobody. I do NOT feel sorry for myself and I am NOT on a pity party. Depression is a diagnosis, not a feeling. Same with anxiety. What I try to be is honest. I desperately don’t want to go to church. I believe in God and I think we have a great pastor. Yes, I have questions and there is a lot, and I mean a LOT, I don’t understand, but I just don’t feel one bit closer to God at church. Feeling close to God should be peaceful and church causes me great anxiety so I don’t feel His presence one bit. As a matter of fact, I feel farther away there than anywhere. But….I feel obligated to go so that’s just how that works. I’ve barely heard a word our pastor has said in five years.