Misery Loves Company

Well, they say misery loves company. Maybe so…..unless you’re me. Then misery likes to be alone. Except there is no way…noWHERE for that to happen. I just want to have one good day. One day without panic. One day without without my heart pounding in my chest. One day where I can’t physically feel my insides shaking. One day. Just one. Today was overwhelming. I am completely exhausted. I battle back and forth about seeing a counselor again. Don’t really have the time or money to go, plus there’s the part where I’m not totally honest about everything when I do go so it doesn’t help like it should anyway. It’s really weird. I go from total panic mode to being completely numb. Too numb to cry, too numb to talk, too numb to even worry. But numb not calm. There is a big difference. I would welcome calm. Peace and calm. Anyone know where I can find those two friends, I’d love to know where they are. I’ve searched for them for as long as I can remember.