Scream

Worst day in a long time. Barely made it through church….actually had to step out once, go sit in the bathroom and cry. Then after the worship team did a song called, “I Am Not Alone”, someone told me that they had felt the song was for me, and I couldn’t even say a word to her. Could not say one single word. I always feel alone. Every second of every day. So, WAS that for me? I have no idea. Then we all went to lunch, and I had to walk out before everyone else even finished eating and was crying before I got out the door. Then, while taking a bath, I literally had to stifle a scream. All I wanted to do was scream. As loud as I could. This is why I need alone time. There was a time that I would actually get in the car, drive around and scream. Will probably just get back on all medicine. I have said myself that it doesn’t solve anything, just masks it. Well, lets get the mask on then. What other choice is there really? Masking it is better than this. Much easier to be a fake when you’re doped up anyway.