Archive - November 2014

Normal was something I never experienced…I thought. I’m not sure I even know what normal is. Dictionary.com defines normal as “conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural”.  I didn’t feel like any of those things described my life growing up.  Normal was what everybody else had and did.  Mom and dad, siblings, summer camps, sleepovers, pets…..the list of what I saw as normal could go on forever.  I  had a mom and dad. My dad really didn’t have anything to do with raising me.  He lived there but that was about it.  No siblings, seldom ever a pet, absolutely NO summer camps, and friends could spend the night with me, but I was always the kid that wasn’t allowed to spend the night anywhere.  Not until I was older than most at their first sleepover, anyway. According to my grandmother, who set the rules of the house, camps were only for people who wanted to get rid of their kids for a while in the summer.  End of discussion. Then there was the ever-present depression, anxiety and panic attacks that made me feel so different.  Elementary school was when I actually recall having full-blown panic attacks.  My grandmother would come sit outside in her car at school.  That was the only way I could stay all day, and sometime even then I couldn’t.  I was paralyzed with fear.  Of what, I’m not sure.  As I got older, I just masked it. Ignored it as best I could, put on my fake “happy face” and went on. So lately. when the dreaded panic demon reared it’s ugly head again, I decided a blog might be a good idea.  The worst part of depression and anxiety is the loneliness that comes along with it. I thought there might be some more of you out there who feel the same way I do and maybe we could help each other, learn from one another, or just vent when we need to.  So, lets see if we can find our normal.