Archive - June 21, 2015

Well, I’ve literally been on both sides of the bipolar fence today. Days like this are completely exhausting. The manic depressive phase actually started yesterday and fighting back the tears was almost impossible. And constant. Even at the weirdest times and for no reason at all. I went to sleep crying last night, just trying to be quiet enough about it that my husband wouldn’t hear me and I wouldn’t have to try to explain something that even I don’t understand. Then I woke up the exact same way and cried off and on this morning. Sometime when I am alone and feel this way I am somewhere between trying to stifle the tears and just letting them flow so maybe I can get my daily melt down over with while I am alone and don’t have to explain anything to anyone. It actually physically hurts. Crazy thing is that in the mist of all of this, I saw something on facebook that made me laugh…hard. No, it didn’t make me just laugh, I got uncontrollably HYSTERICAL. I kept reading it and it kept getting funnier and funnier! Weird. Hey….maybe I AM normal and the rest of the world is NOT! HA!!!! That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it!! I kind of feel like a pinball machine. Someone just pulls back the knob and there my mood goes….pinging against one thing then another and I never know what it’s going to hit. Sadness, laughter, depression, anxiety,complete hysteria. It’s anybody’s guess, really. I titled this post “New Day Dawning” because that’s what I’m hoping for. A new day. A positive day. I got a very unexpected three word text today that meant more to me than anyone, including the person who sent it, will probably ever really know.  So, in regards to that, let me say two things. First of all, to the person who sent the text, thank you again. So much. You really have no idea what you did. Second, if someone is reading this and you ever feel led to just give someone an encouraging word through a call, text, even a facebook post, please do it. You are probably feeling led to do so for a reason. You may be grabbing someone from falling over, or jumping over, a ledge. You may be the one person who can speak life into them. You may be what they are unknowingly waiting for. You may be their turning point. So, I will hang in there and I will make it. I am way too stubborn to give up! Life is good. Not perfect but really, really good.