Archive - June 14, 2015

I read something this morning. It said, “Depression is not caring about anything…..anxiety is caring too much about everything. Having both is hell.” Wow. Never thought about it that way, but it couldn’t be more true. I stopped posting for a while because I feel like I am saying the same things over and over. But, here’s my new issue. In a few months, life as I have known it for many, many years will be over. Everything is about to change and while I usually like change, this will be very different and I am afraid it is going to cause me to “shut down”. I just can’t afford to see a counselor again and I still don’t want to get back on any medicine but I feel completely lost about what I need to do when I know something is coming up that I am going to have a difficult time handling. And now, due to things that have happened, I have absolutely not one single person that I can talk to. Not one. I’m not really even sure that I want to talk to anyone. I am impossible to understand anyway.  When I was seeing a counselor, I was never completely honest with her. I felt like the way I really feel and the things I really think are just too bad to be honest about. Then someone would really know me. I’ve always been terrified of that. What I would really like to do is go away….by myself…for about a week. Just be totally alone so I can think and try to decide what exactly I really need to do to be happy. Unless it’s just too late for that.