Archive - February 23, 2015

Yesterday, Mission Accomplished.  Sort of.  Woke up in a bit of a panic, but was able to shake it.  Then, for the most part it was a really good day.  Lots of laughter in our house.  Kids laughing and being silly.  Laughing and playing with the dogs.  I love that sound.  Even when it gets loud and crazy….the sound of laughter is beautiful.  It means there is life in the house.  I hate silence.  Even if I am home by myself, I have to have some sort of noise.  I love to read, but even if I am reading, and home alone, I have the TV on just for the noise.  Noise I can deal with….silence, to me, is deafening.  Noise tends to drown out the thoughts, or demons as I’ve called them, that are always with me.  I think that’s why I hated bed time so much as a child.  I always had trouble sleeping, so I would just lay there and think.  That’s probably why I have an easier time even now falling asleep on the couch with people talking and the TV on than I do in the silence of a bedroom.  If only my brain had an on/off switch.  I try to use the silence as a time to pray but the chaos of my thoughts keeps my prayer time to just a few seconds.  I REALLY need to work on that.  My prayer time has pretty much come to a halt.  Someone told me once, not that long ago actually, that the wall I’ve put up to keep people out is also keeping God out.  She’s right.  I guess it’s time to figure out how to start breaking that wall down.