Archive - February 20, 2015

Every day I feel like I’m on some kind of impossible mission.  A mission to find peace.  To not panic, to not feel like I just got punched in the stomach, to not hurt….emotionally, to not feel like there’s something to dread.  Most of the time, I feel like I am screaming and nobody can hear me.  Everyone just walks by me, and all they see is the fake smile on the outside.  Nobody can hear the silent screams.  Nobody at all.  Have you ever had a dream that you’re screaming for help and no one can hear you?  I feel like that while I’m awake almost every single day.

Really weird….lately, I’ve had an overwhelming need to make sure the people I love really know how much I love them.  Sometimes I don’t think I’m very good at letting them know.  Just “I love you” doesn’t seem to be enough.  If something happened to me, would they really know what they meant to me??  I have no idea.  I certainly hope so.

You know, most companies and organizations have a mission statement. Maybe I need to make up a personal mission statement so I can look at it every day and do my best to accomplish it.  Or maybe I just need to take some medicine and try to mask all the feelings of dread and disappointment that seem to go along with waking up.  Again.