Archive - February 13, 2015

Well, that’s where I am today.  What, exactly, is the point?  I know there’s supposed to be one. I know we are all supposedly created for a reason. For a purpose. Yes, I’ve read “The Purpose Driven Life”. Twice.  I still don’t know what my purpose is or if I even have one. Sometimes I feel like I’m just taking up space.  Is my purpose solely to fight some sort of mental battle every single day?  Am I a pawn for the demons to bat around when they aren’t busy making someone else miserable?  What am I supposed to do?  What good am I to anyone?  Ok, this is absolutely NOT a pity party and I’m not looking for someone to pat me on the head and tell me everything is going to be okay and I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and a LOT of people have it a LOT worse.  I’m aware of that.  But when you can not organize the cluster of thoughts in your mind and you feel like you are in complete mental chaos all of the time, it’s a very defeated feeling.  Oh, how I envy the mentally stable.  How on earth does one accomplish that? Mental stability, I mean.  My kids give me a hard time because I love to watch all the shows on Investigate Discovery. Not because of the violence, but because of the psychological aspect. How does one go from an innocent baby to a murderer?  What happens?  What happened to them to make them that way?  Or did anything happen?  Are some of us just “wired” different….without a conscience, perhaps?  And if so, did God create them that way?  That doesn’t make sense either because God can’t create something evil. Can He?  These are the kind of thoughts that are bouncing around in my head all…..of…..the…..time.  It’s exhausting.